This trucker and his wife were cruising down the highway with a truckload of bowling balls when they spot a black guy.
Trucker pulls over to him and says "Hey! You cant be walking down the highway, something could happen to you!"
The black guy looks really discouraged and says "Man I don't know what to do! Can I ride with you?" The trucker says "Well, you'll have to ride in the back with my load, but its better than nothing." Black guy agrees and gets in.
They start on their way again with their truckload of bowling balls when they see another black guy riding a bicycle down the highway.
Again, the trucker pulls over and says "Hey! You cant be riding a bike down the highway! Something bad could happen to you!"
The black guy says "Ah shit Man I don't know what to do! Can I ride with you?" Again, trucker tells him he'll have to get in the back with his load and again the black guy agrees.
They start on their way when the trucker gets pulled over by the cops for speeding.
The cop says "I'm sorry but Ill have to look at your load." The trucker gladly shows the cop.
Horrified, the cop says "Get the hell out of my county, get the hell out of my state, and don't you ever come back here again!".
Confused, the man drives off and the cop goes back to his car where his partner asks "Jeez! What the hell happened to you? You look like you've seen a ghost!"
The cop replies "That truckers got a load full of nigger eggs. Two already hatched and one already stole a bike!"
A little old lady goes into the Chase Manhattan Bank, and says she wants to open a savings account. The accounts person asks her how much she would like to deposit to open the account and the little old lady says, "Three million dollars."
The accounts person is startled, and says, "In what form?" and the little old lady says, "Cash. I've got it here in this bag..." and the accounts person looks and, sure enough, the lady has a big grocery bag just chock full of green stuff with big denominations.
This is a highly unusual event, and the accounts person excuses herself to get the president of the bank to handle this one. He arrives, and escorts the little old lady to his office to handle it personally.
Once in his office, he asks the little old lady where she got so much money.
She says, "Gambling."
"Gambling?", he says. "What sort of gambling?"
"Oh, I make bets with people on all sorts of things, and I usually win. For example, I've got $100,000 right here that says that by noon tomorrow your balls will be square, and I'll even give you 4:1 odds. You got $25,000 you'd be willing to wager on that?"
The bank president is shocked at this sort of thing coming from a sweet little old lady, but he didn't get to be the president of the Chase Manhattan Bank without knowing something about money. "I suppose I could come up with enough to cover that sort of wager, but I wouldn't feel right taking it from you...there's no way you can win a bet like that!"
The little old lady just shook the bag, and said, "I know what I'm doing...and I can afford to lose, though I'm not going to. Is it a bet?"
"OK, have it your way", said the president, and they shook hands on it.
"See you at 11:55 tomorrow morning", said the little old lady, and with that she left.
Next morning at 11:55 the little old lady arrives with a younger man in a three-piece suit, and is escorted to the bank president's office. The president is a nervous wreck, though a happy one. He'd gotten almost no sleep the night before, waking every few minutes to feel his balls to check for impending squareness, but nothing happened all night. He had checked hundreds of times that morning, but still nothing; perfectly normal.
When the little old lady arrived he started to relax, knowing he had won.
"Come in, please have a seat! Who might this gentleman be?" said the president.
"He's my lawyer. For a bet of this size I want to have a witness. Any objections?"
"No, perfectly understandable", said the president. "Well, it's now noon, and I'm still unchanged, so I guess I win!" he said happily.
"Not so fast!" said the little old lady. "For a hundred grand I want to verify things personally! Please drop your pants."
The bank president is a bit flustered, but agrees that in her position he'd want proof as well, so he drops his pants. The little old lady goes over to him and reaches out to feel the organs in question.
"OK, you win, here's your $100,000," says the little old lady, handing over a bag of bills. As she does so, her lawyer starts banging his head against the wall and moaning.
"What's wrong with him?" asks the bank president.
"Oh, he's just upset. Poor loser if you ask me. You see, I had a bet for $1,000,000 with him that I would have the President of the Chase Manhattan Bank by the balls by noon today."
"Hey let's throw puppies in the river." (PETA gonna kill them)
Full Metal Disney.. hahaha
Older video of cop getting shot up.
Low bridge causes 13 crashes in 13 months.
Another funny soccer goal celebration.
Apparently vocal chords look like a Predator.
The real reason Doakes hated Dexter. (I miss Doakes.. MOTHER FUCKER)
Another dumbass football play.
Pervert Ridiculed By Crowd.. GOOBER! haha
I threw up in my mouth..a little.
"I TOLD YOU TO STAY IN THE KITCHEN!"
Is that a horse cock? Holy shit!
Whipped.
Joke
18-year-old Susi goes to a priest, to confess her sins and to ask for advice:
Susi: 'Yesterday I called a young man a son of a bitch! "
Priest: "But why did you do that, my child?"
Susi: "He grabbed my arm!"
Priest: "Something like this?" He grabs her arm, "But that's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Susi: "He also touched my breasts"
Priest: "Something like this?" He touches her breasts "That´s no reason to call him a son of a bitch,either."
Susi: "Then he took off my clothes."
Priest: "Something like this?" He strips her naked and says: "No reason to scold him as a son of a bitch, too!"
Susi: "But then he gave it to me really hard"
Priest: "Something like this?" and the Priest fucks the shit out of her properly...
then he says: "You see, that's still no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
3 middle-aged women have been meeting up for ladies night every Wednesday for as long as they can remember.
One particular night, they drink too much, way too much. I mean falling down, sloppy, stupid wasted.
The next day they all meet up for coffee and naturally, they talk about the events from the previous night.
The first woman says that she got the most wasted. " I crashed my car on the way home. I completely totaled it, spent a night in the hospital, and got a DUI. I was the most wasted.
The second woman says no way, she was the most wasted. "I made it home but started a huge fight with my husband. I ended up knocking over a candle and burning the house down! I have no place to live now! I was the most wasted."
Now the third woman chimes in. "That's all well and good, but I was definitely the most wasted. I had sex with Paul."
"How is that worse?" the second woman says, " I burned my house down, she totaled her car, you just had sex!"
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