» I go to porn meetings
posted on 11/15/06 by Opie
And as a BONUS.. this hot cam chick.
Why females should avoid a girls night out after they are married!
The other night I was invited out for a night with "the girls." I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, "I promise!"
Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easy.
Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times.
I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him. (Even when totally smashed... 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos...... (MIDNIGHT)
The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, and I told him "Midnight".
He didn't seem mad at all. Whew! Got away with that one!
Then he said, "I think we need a new cuckoo clock." When I asked him why?, he said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said, "Oh. s**t!", cuckooed 4 more times, cleared it's throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted."
- FFL -
- Sea sex.
- Cock Up.
- Girl tease.
- Self defense.
- Is he FOREAL?
- Toothpick trick.
- Mexico Mansion.
- Nice fake titties.
- Super bitch slap.
- Tits and Ass Buffet.
- Awesome mafia game.
- How do you do this?
- Reno 911 movie trailer.
- Microsoft bought firefox!
- Hottie window washers.
- Adriana Lima and friends.
- Home made roller coaster.
- Getting kids to fight is fun.
- Jessica Biel changing clothes.
- Aida Yespica VS Antonella Elia.
- Keeley Hazel strips for action.
- This is hardcore Karate training.
- 2007 Lexus parks itself. (Sort of)
- Jordan Carpi honey moon sex tape.
- Some people didn't like Borat's jokes.
- Sneak a peek on a reeeally hot chick!
- I wish I could have had sex with a teacher.
- What amazon.com users say about K-Fed.
- Video of Saddam being sentenced to death.
- Son hangs himself in front of his paralyzed mother.
- Well it wasn't the Britney sex tape. (Longer version)
» Going to watch 3 Ninjas...
posted on 11/13/06 by Opie
Deer running around in Target.
Brirtney Spears sex tape? (doubt it)
Quick! Someone notify PETA.
Animals are better than you.
Tiger sharks are even bad ass as babies.
Having fun on boats.
Nasty motorcycle crash.
And some porn.
Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer.
His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill said he would be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own.
One day a few weeks later, Bill came home and his wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong. What's wrong, Bill?" she asked.
"Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?"
Oh, Bill, you didn't" she exclaimed.
Yes, I did." he replied.
My God, Bill, what happened?"
"I got fired."
"No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?"
Oh...she got fired too."
(Yes, I know)
A man walks up to a pharmacist and asks for a box of condoms for his 11 year old daughter. The pharmacist is shocked and he replies "Are you telling me your 11 year old daughter is sexually active?".
"I wouldn't say active, she pretty much just lays there like her mother."
- FFL -
- The porn.
- Miracle TV.
- Lake of salt
- Sexist Tees.
- This is crazy.
- Nude pictures.
- Raving granny.
- What a dumbass.
- G-cup! Holy shit.
- 100 crazy faces.
- What a bullshit law.
- Hot girl wants sex.
- Hotter than britney.
- Busty French maid.
- Models are too thin.
- I'm going to rape you!
- Imitating Sopranos now?
- Riding on top of a train.
- My hands are bananas?
- Kirsten Dunst is a hottie.
- Denise Richard's cameltoe.
- Date-proofing your kitchen.
- Crash test dummy Olympics.
- Both of these chicks are hot.
- These pictures sure are pretty.
- The hottest girls on the planet.
- Girls may like this little animation.
- I like the "Burying the knuckle" one.
» Lots of good stuff
posted on 11/10/06 by Opie
Faith Hill thinks she should have won.
Another version of Office Space.
Something bad is going to happen...
Mario GTA style.
I can't believe I haven't seen this.
Playing a tune.
Johnny wanted to screw a hot girl in his office - but she belonged to someone else...
One day Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to her and just said "I'll give you $1,000 if you let me screw you".
The girl said "No".
Johnny said "I'll be fast, I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down and I'll be finished by the time you pick it up."
She thought for a moment and said that she would have to consult her boyfriend. So she called her boyfriend and told him the story.
Her boyfriend said "OK, ask for $2,000 and pick up the money real fast so he won't even be able to get his pants down". So she accepts the proposal as offered.
Half an hour goes by and the boyfriend is waiting for his girl to call so they can think about what to do with the two grand.
Finally after 45 minutes the boyfriend calls and asks whats happening? She replies "The bastard used coins".
This deer is clearly homosexual.
Girls peeing outside is funny.
You make up a joke.
- FFL -
- WoW addict.
- Santa's Slut.
- Eva Longoria.
- Pumpin' pussy.
- Real spiderman.
- Naked pictures.
- H.A's Wet Dream.
- That's a huge bitch!
- Holly Valance kicks ass.
- Clip from Casino Royale.
- Attention whore owned.
- How well can you hear?
- The best worst movies.
- Jenny McCarthy blowjob.
- Lindsay Lohan cleavage.
- TIME best inventions 2006.
- What an excellent cartoon.
- The new Spiderman 3 trailer.
- Mudvayne Dig live. Hell yeah!
- Titties are to big for that top.
- Six titties are better than two.
- This is much better than stairs.
- How to draw a car in Ms Paint.
- Idiot test. Pretty good one to.
- The baby finds something funny.
- Hi! I'm going to kill my entire family one day.
- Yeah we just call "white clubs" the KKK here.
- New type of condom. (It will save to 5 seconds)
- Must have some MOTHER FUCKIN' SNAKES aboard!
» being sick doesn't stop the porn
posted on 11/08/06 by Opie
There was a baby born in the hospital and he weighed ten pounds. The odd thing about him was his body weighed five pounds and his balls weighed five pounds. All the nurses and even the doctor didn't know what to do with him.
Then, the chief surgeon walked in and asked what was wrong. The head nurse replied, ''We don't know what to do with this baby.''
So the chief surgeon took one look and said, "You should put him into a mental institution."
''Why?' asked the head nurse.
"Well," replied the chief surgeon, "take a look at him. The boy is obviously half nuts."
- FFL -
- Wild ride.
- Hot MILF.
- Car stunts.
- Tyra Banks.
- Face worms?
- Borat is hungry.
- Popularity dialer.
- Find the beer can.
- Blow-up doll swim.
- Making holograms.
- Masturbating chick.
- That "...huh" feeling..
- 3 whores and one dude.
- Great political attack ad.
- Britney's big swollen tits.
- Jennifer Aniston loses the bra.
- Anti rape condom? Fuck that.
- Nice webcam girls don't do that.
- Oh look a girl stripping like a slut.
- How to shaft your boss senseless.
- Teen slave forced private dance.
- Double penetration dildo with Thalia.
- Elisha Cuthbert cute-chick-celeb-compilation.
» nothing much
posted on 11/06/06 by Opie
You start to like it after awhile.
Doe ducks an arrow.
He did that on purpose.
It's happened before.
There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys.
The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms.
Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 AM.
The next day at 8:45 AM there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door.
The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee.
He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule.
The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the 2 men march down to the factory floor.
When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo's all over the factory floor and they're really beginning to pile up.
At the end of the line stands Lena surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo's.
She has a roll of plush red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles.
The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo's legs.
The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter.
After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches Lena.
"I'm sorry," he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face, "but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday..."
"Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles.
- FFL -
- Sexy Time.
- Disney Porn.
- Fine as hell.
- Subway Sex.
- Machine fuck.
- Will it blend?
- Crazy X-rays.
- Sneaker Pimps.
- Super hot chick.
- Great naked galleries.
- Check out this knife.
- Jennifer Aniston's tits.
- Tiger Woods is da man.
- Am I reading this right?
- These guys are faggots.
- Borat in an antiques shop.
- Extreme sex doll ownage.
- Extreme (weird) squirting!
- Blonde Slut gets Exploited.
- A bunch of movie mistakes.
- 7 year old designated driver.
- Extremely Drunk Cheerleader.
- Somebody's gonna get raped.
- Now this is a cool piggy bank.
- 2 young webcam teens dance.
- Gnarls Barkley: Gone Daddy Gone.
- Some Saw 3 shit for sale on eBay.
- The paint job is a new one for me.
- I wouldn't pay this much for a shitter.
- Three animals in one. (photoshop fun)
- Neat java script trick to do on websites.
- Jeremy Piven is the reason I watch Entourage.
- Mechanic gets freaky with one of his hot assistants.
» vacation is over
posted on 11/03/06 by Opie
Mitch Hedberg Montage.
Other experiments like the Mentos and diet coke.
Biff from Back to the Future.
Heidi Klum all wet.
Hello, is this the Sheriff's Office?
Yes. What can I do for you?
I'm calling to report 'bout my neighbor Virgil Smith.
He's hidin' marijuana inside his firewood! Don't quite know how he gets it inside them logs, but he's hiddin' it there.
Thank you very much for the call, sir.
The next day, the Sheriff's Deputies descend on Virgil's home. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They sneer at Virgil and leave.
Shortly, the phone rings at Virgil's house.
Hey, Virgil! This here's Floyd. Did the Sheriff come?
Did they chop your firewood?
Happy Birthday, buddy!
- FFL -
- Deez Teez.
- Hot galleries.
- Fucking cats.
- Satanic pooh.
- Shower Horror.
- Italian hotties.
- Dream houses.
- Hot blonde Milf.
- Borat on Letterman.
- Backstage celeb sex.
- She's a door humper.
- Owned by flying monkey.
- Hot Chrissy Taylor gallery.
- Here's guy for you ladies.
- Vote for Michael Jackson!
- What's playing on the radio?
- Any bow hunters out there?
- Banned Korean commercial.
- Check out this awesome bike.
- Get the ball to the exit point.
- Can't go wrong with lesbians.
- I want some fucking pancakes.
- Another reason to hate Bill Maher.
- Paris Hilton as a Prostitute / Cop.
- Now you can walk on water like me.
- Jessica Alba is hotter than the sun!
- Colbert talks about CC and youtube.
- Racing cars meeting skateboard ramps.
- Automatic softserve ice cream maker.
- I don't have the patience for a chair like this.
- If chicks acted like men would we fuck them?
- I've NEVER seen anyone do this with their legs in bed.
posted on 11/01/06 by Opie
E-note: Not doing the Mon-Fri updating anymore. Just Mon, Wed, and Fri. I have some other plans to get the other sections updated.
I guess she was bad.
20 Ways To Confuse Trick-Or-Treaters
(Use it next year?)
1. Give away something other than candy. (Toothpicks, golf balls, bags of sand, etc.)
2. Wait behind the door until some people come. When they get near the door, jump out, wearing a costume, and holding a bag, and yell, "Trick or Treat!" Look at them, scratch your head, and act confused.
3. Fill a briefcase with marbles and crackers. Write on it, "Top Secret" in big letters. When trick-or-treaters come, look around suspiciously, say, "It's about time you got here," give them the briefcase, and quickly shut the door.
4. Get about 30 people to wait in your living room. When trick-or-treaters come to the door, say, "Come in." When they do, have everyone yell, "Surprise!!!" Act like it's a surprise party.
5. Get everyone who comes to the door to come in and see if they can figure out what's wrong with your dishwasher. Insist that it makes an unnatural "whirring" sound.
6. After you give them candy, hand the trick-or-treaters a bill.
7. Open the door dressed as a giant fish. Immediately collapse, and don't move or say anything until the trick-or-treaters go away.
8. When you answer the door, hold up one candybar, throw it out into the street, and yell, "Crawl for it!"
9. When you answer the door, look at the trick-or-treaters, act shocked and scared, and start screaming your head off. Slam the door and run around the house, screaming until they go away.
10. Insist that the trick-or-treaters each do ten push-ups before you give them any candy.
11. Hand out menus to the trick-or-treaters and let them order their candy. Keep asking if anyone wants to see the wine list.
12. Get a catapult. Sit on your porch and catapult pumpkins at anyone who comes within 50 yards of your house.
13. When people come to the door, jump out a nearby window, crashing through the glass, and run as far away from your house as you can.
14. Answer the door dressed as a pilgrim. Stare at the trick-or-treaters for a moment, pretend to be confused, and start flipping through a calendar.
15. Instead of candy, give away colored eggs. If anyone protests, explain that the eggs are the only thing you had left over from Easter.
16. Answer the door dressed as a dentist. Angrily give the trick-or-treaters a two-hour lecture on tooth decay.
17. Answer the door with a mouthful of M&M's and several half-eaten candy bars in your hands. Act surprised, and close the door. Open it again in a few seconds, and insist that you don't have any candy.
18. Hand out cigarettes and bottles of asprin.
19. Put a crown on a pumpkin and put the pumpkin on a throne on your porch. Insist that all of the trick-or-treaters bow before the pumpkin.
20. Dress up like a bunny rabbit. Yell and curse from the moment you open the door, and angrily throw the candy at the trick-or-treaters. Slam the door when you're finished.
- FFL -
- Good video.
- Tig Ol' bitties.
- Golden porshe.
- Horrible tit job.
- Fingering herself.
- This is just weird.
- History of drugs.
- GI Joe rape. haha
- The Final Frontier.
- Hood party is racist.
- Watch out R Kelly!
- You better not laugh.
- Choose a house for her.
- Teen webcam stripper.
- Fucking Reservoir Dogs.
- This is pretty damn cool.
- Why horny men do ballet.
- Slutty teen model audition.
- Jessica Albas "naked" butt.
- Webcam babe gets busted.
- Bob fucking Barker is retiring.
- Lindsay Lohan's Halloween ass.
- A baby Ethiopian would love these.
- Why would you rape your mother?
- Lucy Pinder & Michelle Marsh press flesh.
- The real meaning of halloween. (Mean girls)
- Jet semi. I've seen one of these in person.
- Little Hitler interviews people on the street.
- Timelapse video of a thunderstorm forming.
- Cube world is really neat. (Watch the demo too)