posted on 12/13/06 by Opie
The guy in the back is funny.
1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following Circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her Blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss's car.
(d) When she is using her teeth.
3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.
4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.
6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.
8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.
9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.
10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.
11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach ... and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free.
12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.
13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.
16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.
17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.
19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.
20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.
21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man While lifting weights:
a) Yeah, Baby, Push it!
b) C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
c) Another set and we can hit the showers!
22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e., both urinating, both waiting In line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.
23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.
24:The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.
25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.
26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.
27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story.
28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.
29: We've all heard about people having guts or balls, but do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below:
"GUTS" is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, "are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?"
"BALLS" is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say, "You're next!
- FFL -
- Nice rack!
- Sexy time.
- Paris and Nikki.
- Trailer for 300.
- Big rack attack!
- Funny T-shirts.
- This bat is cool.
- Secret Pleasures
- Simpsons Sex Ed.
- PRIMEVAL trailer.
- Free porn for you.
- No smoking please.
- Pool ball sling shot.
- Jay Leno's jet bike.
- Some cool webcams.
- This is pretty funny.
- World population clock.
- Indian women are funny.
- Haha, Are they smurfs?
- Have fun while exercising.
- How to solve Rubik's cube.
- I bet her nipples are hard.
- Great light bulb commercial.
- The idiot son of an asshole.
- New American Pie movie clip.
- She dances in a hot odd way.
- This game will keep you busy.
- Apparently her pussy is dirty.
- Watch 24 and other great shows.
- Evil Knievel sues Kanye West. Good.
- American Pie: Where are they now?
- Weather report Victoria Secret style.
- Teacher tapes a students mouth shut.
- She lost her top and didn't care... whore.
- Cute young teen tricked into online sex.
- Black lingerie looks even better on the floor.
- Scarlett Johansson's a sexy Pussycat Doll.
- This would be funny if it was an ASIAN infant.
- So this is what Dave Matthew's Band live is like.
- Send your buddy a Christmas card with dumb whores.
» Happy Monday
posted on 12/11/06 by Opie
This is the funniest thing you'll see all day.
Real life Towelie. (Southpark)
Joe Rogan tears some girl a new asshole.
Bass VS Mouse.
An octopus can fit though a tight hole.
Another reason to like fake titties.
A Professor was giving a lecture on "Involuntary Muscular Contractions" to his first year medical students.
Realizing that this was not his most riveting subject, the Professor decided to lighten the mood slightly.
Pointing to a young woman in the front row the professor asked, "Do you know what your ass hole is doing while you're having an orgasm?"
And the young woman replied, "Probably deer hunting with his buddies."
- FFL -
- I like pigtails.
- Blonde MILF.
- Hot waitress.
- Cool card trick.
- Horny furry lamp?
- Synth coke? haha
- Sick of bad movies?
- 30 craziest lawsuits.
- Water flow on Mars.
- This could be racist.
- A city in a giant tent.
- Pam is back in Playboy.
- Shelby GT commercial.
- Drunk teens beg for sex.
- One tough mother fucker.
- This hot chick will kill you.
- Thoughts can time travel?
- You get to be the missile.
- Odd looking back massager.
- There sure is a lot of space.
- I'm here for the gang bang.
- The coolest dinner table ever.
- Those are some big ass tittasss.
- Cute college teens get banged.
- I'm in love with Christina Aguilera.
- Can't go wrong with hotel whores.
- Dress up the KKK member Kramer.
- God is real... "The Atheist Delusion"
- Holy shit! Trace any cell phone number!
- Sexy back part 1. (From the V.S show)
- Sexy back part 2. (From the V.S show)
- Why couldn't it be a woman on the right?
- 4 year old "improperly" touched a teacher.
- Barry Bonds is a baller. (Get it? hahah...)
- I like her outfit. Just kidding, it's the boobs.
- Walmart wants you to secretly film little boys.
- Why do people do the whole bullfight thing...?
- Back when Tyson wasn't a little bitch. (I wouldn't say that to him)
» roger that
posted on 12/08/06 by Opie
To much stress?
Can't break boards to save his life.
Most insane base jump ever.
I wish all girls said "They're just boobs"
Not the brightest star in the sky...
Cool bike tricks.
Neat arm break.
Rocky Balboa Clip
Q and A
Q: Why do black people wear pants so low?
A: Spell saggin backwards.
Q: Have you ever heard of a nigger fortune cookie?
A: It's a piece of cornbread with a foodstamp inside.
Q: Why Are crippled people always picked on?
A: Because they can't stand up for themselves
Did I tell you about the industrious prostitute?
She got a vagina surgically implanted onto her hip...
So she can make money on the side.
- FFL -
- Sky Lopez.
- Thick bitch.
- Big ass titties.
- Running a train.
- Sexy pole dancer.
- Escalator jump? No.
- Daddy's girl caught.
- Mary Poppins re-cut.
- Teen webcam party.
- Weird Al's Palindrones.
- Need Xmas gift ideas?
- Giant octopus attacks.
- How to find the g-spot.
- He faked being retarded?
- Backing dancer has a seizure.
- Would be funnier if it was real.
- Indian men have small wieners.
- Victoria Secret Show 2006 part 1.
- Victoria Secret Show 2006 part 2.
- Here are 5 Kimbo fight videos for ya.
- Oh course girls are quicker than boys.
- The super hornet jet fighter is bad ass.
- NEW Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles trailer.
- What titties should look like in a wet tshirt.
- I love small chicks with huge natural titties.
- Silly doctors this kid is obviously an immortal.
- How did that big ass worm get in this cricket?
- Neat coin trick to show your fellow circus friends.
- Don't open your presents early if your Mom is crazy.
» porn is _____
posted on 12/06/06 by Opie
Kind of gross and funny.
Q and A
Q: Whats the hardest part about eating a vegetable?
A: Putting her back in the wheelchair when your done...
A Frenchman, an Englishman and a New Yorker were exploring the jungle and were captured by a fierce tribe. As they sit in a hut, awaiting their fate, the chief comes to them and says, "The bad news is that now that we've caught you, we're going to kill you, and then use your skins to build a canoe. The good news is that you get to choose how you die."
The Frenchman says, "I take ze poison." The chief gives him some poison, the Frenchman says, "Vive la France!" and drinks it down.
The Englishman says, "A pistol for me, please." The chief gives him a pistol, he points it at his head, says, "God save the queen!" and blows his brains out.
The New Yorker says, "Gimme a fork." The chief is puzzled, but he shrugs and gives him a fork. The New Yorker takes the fork and starts jabbing himself all over -- the stomach, the sides, the chest, everywhere.
There's blood gushing out all over, it's horrible. The chief is appalled, and screams, "What are you doing???"
The New Yorker looks at the chief and says, "So much for your canoe, asshole!"
- FFL -
- More Tatu.
- Naked girls.
- Funny Shirts.
- Phat Nymphos
- Tall and naked.
- Schoolgirl surprise.
- Crazy drunk chicks
- The best Bong girls.
- Horny teen cam girl.
- Masters of MS paint.
- So.. This is a female?
- HAYY naked Natasha.
- Some camo pictures.
- Supersluts vs. Colbert.
- Naughty knot lingerie.
- Watch out for security.
- What are you wearing?
- Anna Nicole gets facial.
- Frank Skinner interview.
- You can't park this good.
- Bigger titties are better.
- Undies worth getting into.
- Andy Dick pulling a Kramer.
- She does it until she cums.
- Sky diver dives to his death.
- I guess those plastic bbs hurt.
- Transparent wheels for your car.
- I want to join the "mile high" club.
- All 3 of these chicks have nice racks.
- Shirts that will make you burn in hell.
- Jenna Lewis leaked her own sex tape.
- This kid may make you say "Awwww"
- Don't fart, then light a match on a plane.
- Finding out your half sister is a porn star.
- Teen forced To give blow job In Mcdonalds.
- I must be dumb, didn't know a forest was underwater.
» hooray for me
posted on 12/04/06 by Opie
Note: Next week I should have post coming early in the morning again.
P.S. Archives are being uploaded now.
Cat on LSD. Either you'll be shocked or die out laughing.
Story time with Flavor Flav. (Hilarious)
This kid could kick your ass. (Not mine though, because I rule)
The Simpsons in ASIAN!
A different party boy.
Why I get other people to Christmas shop for me.
Q and A
Q: What does a 9 volt battery and a girls asshole have in common?
A: You know it's wrong, but sooner or later your gonna put your tongue on it.
A guy walks into a store to looking to buy a brain. The first brain he sees is a brain of an asian and the price tag says $300. He thought, "well, thats not so bad...". Then he sees a brain of a white person and the price tag also says $300. And he thought, "ok, ok..."
Then he sees the brain of a black person and the price tag says $1000!
So the guy goes up to the store clerk and asks why the black brain cost so much while the other 2 cost only $300 and the store clerk said, "That's because it's never been USED!"
- FFL -
- Racist shirt.
- Maxim myths.
- FREE Doritos!
- Wii problems?
- Fungi is crazy.
- Nice ass alert.
- Hot teen bitch.
- Sexy Miss Reef.
- Amateur porn 101.
- A nurse with a dildo.
- Video games only $1.
- This Monika girl is hot.
- What a great piercing.
- Insane bungee jumpers.
- 85 years in 40 seconds.
- James Bond Heineken ad.
- 3 bored hot bikini babes.
- Kracker Kramer Kracks Up.
- 24, Day 6, Prequel. (Part 1)
- 24, Day 6, Prequel. (Part 2)
- Jenny McCarthy photoshoot.
- Tom Cruise is to happy here.
- Elisha Cuthbert gets naughty.
- The best Zelda adventure ever.
- "Meteorite yields life origin clue"
- Jumps to her death with her kid.
- Here's that webcam chick again.
- Elisha Cuthbert in Love Actually.
- Shiite leader. I want to meet him.
- "I'm Bringing Xbox Back" Pathetic.
- Rolling Rock Beer Ape commercial.
- How can he no throw up after this?
- Anyone remember the lesbians Tatu?
- Uh oh, I'm posting to hot black chicks.
- Don't egg peoples car, you may get killed.
- Not sure if I would want a PS3 from this guy.
- Here's the singer of that catchy background music.
- Better check those boxes before you leave BestBuy.
» shit in the coats
posted on 12/01/06 by Opie
Why little kids shouldn't play paintball.
Hamster stuck in live action video game.
What a cool dunk.
Caught cheating. (Surprise at the end)
Anyone remember Mr. Bucket?
I bet a lot of you try this.
Colbert has a Wii.
Accidents with some strangely catchy music.
Ethel was a bit of a demon in her wheelchair, and loved to charge around the nursing home, taking corners on one wheel and getting up to maximum speed on the long corridors.
Because the poor woman was one sandwich short of a picnic the other residents tolerated her and some of them actually joined in.
One day Ethel was speeding up one corridor when a door opened and Kooky Clarence stepped out with his arm outstretched. "STOP!," he shouted in a firm voice. "Have you got a license for that thing?" Ethel fished around in her handbag and pulled out a Kit Kat wrapper and held it up to him. "OK" he said, and away Ethel sped down the hall.
As she took the corner near the TV lounge on one wheel, Weird Harold popped out in front of her and shouted "STOP! Have you got proof of insurance?" Ethel dug into her handbag, pulled out a drink coaster and held it up to him. Harold nodded and said "On your way, Ma'am."
As Ethel neared the final corridor, Crazy Craig stepped out in front of her, Butt- Naked, and holding his dick in his hand. "Oh, good grief," yelled Ethel, "Not that Damn Breathalyzer Test again.!!!"
If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
(Hardly seems worth it.)
If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
(Now that's more like it!)
The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
(In my next life, I want to be a pig... LUCKY FUCKIN PIG!!)
A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death.
(I'm still not over the pig.)
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour
(Don't try this at home, maybe at work)
The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the Male's head off.
(Honey, I'm home. What the...?!)
The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.
(30 minutes..lucky pig! Can you imagine?)
The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)
Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity)
Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Something I always wanted to know.)
The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.(Hmmmmmm.....)
Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.
(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)
Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
(Okay, so that would be a good thing)
A cat's urine glows under a black light.
(I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that.)
Starfish have no brains
(I know some people like that too.)
Polar bears are left-handed.
(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer)
Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(What about that pig??)
- FFL -
- Hot MILFS.
- Exorcist spoof.
- Sexist T-Shirts.
- Stunt goes bad.
- Borat infomercial.
- Locker room prank.
- More Brazilian models.
- The best name ever.
- Celeb has hairy pussy.
- She's rubbing it down.
- Ass taking a pounding.
- Her booty looks weird.
- Sexy blonde ass shake.
- Bush Sisters Gone Wild.
- Lost episode of Seinfeld.
- Leet speak on the news.
- Heather has a nice body.
- They kill then eat squirrel.
- New Bond girl Eva Green.
- Drunk college girl wants sex.
- Lemoigne takes great photos.
- The INTERNET is just for porn.
- Alizee is better than Madonna.
- Richard Simmons on Letterman.
- Now these are some fake titties.
- Test to see how honest people are.
- All the U.S Emos will flock to this place.
- People aren't suppose to really do this.
- I'd kill myself too if my dick was small.
- Fantasy meets reality. (Stupid fighter)
- I think these are different cat pictures.
- Should make a great anti-crack commercial.
- Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix.
- I guess in Ethiopia there would be empty plates.
- T-shirt hell bought back some Limited Edition shirts.
- Screech is a fucking nerd, but he gives a girl a Dirty Sanchez!