Scholars have long debated the exact ethnicity and nationality of Jesus. Recently, biblical scholars had a heated debate on this subject. One by one, they offered their evidence:
Evidence Jesus Was Mexican
# His first name was Jesus.
# He was bilingual.
# He was always being harassed by the authorities.
Evidence Jesus Was Black
# He called everybody "brother."
# He liked gospel.
# He couldn't get a fair trial.
Evidence Jesus Was Jewish
# He went into his father's business.
# He lived at home until he was 33.
# He was sure his mother was a virgin, and his mother was sure he was God.
Evidence Jesus Was Italian
# He talked with his hands.
# He had wine with every meal.
# He used olive oil.
Evidence Jesus Was A Californian
# He never cut his hair.
# He walked around barefoot.
# He started a new religion.
Evidence Jesus Was Irish
# He never got married.
# He was always telling stories.
# He loved green pastures.
Evidence Jesus Was A Woman
# He had to feed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was no food.
# He kept trying to get the message across to a bunch of men who just didn't get it.
# Even when he was dead, he had to get up because there was more work for him to do.
Okay so I get on the train, I sit in a 3 seater by the window...there are a bunch of other seats open or whatever and this family of 4 comes and 2 of them sit with me and 2 sit next to them in the 2 seater...
Which boggles my mind because they could have easily taken 2 2 seaters and left an open space on the 3 seater with me but no, they had to be jerks....so anyway, this guy gets in and spills his coke all over my pants and shirt....
So I go "what the fuck" not even in a threatening way or anything, just by surprise because my head was facing the other way....
So the guy goes "apologize" and I go "excuse me?" and he goes "apologize for cursing in front of my two kids or I'll get the train conductor to kick you off the train"
And I go "well buddy, maybe if you were paying attention to where you were putting your FUCKING coke, I would have said FUCK in front of your FUCKING children"
At this point the guy is basically in my face and his girl screams "daddy make the stupid boy leave" and I go "yeah, make me leave daddy" and he was like "come on kids, lets get out of here" and as they were walking away the guy tells me to learn some manners.
I see his daughter is holding a harry potter book in her hand I go "tell your daughter that dumbledore dies on page 606" and immediately this like 13 year old girl bursts into tears and soon after her older looking brother did too the dad was speechless and walked away.
A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, Please come over here and Help me.
I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started.
He asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"
The blonde says, According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger.
Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle.
She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.
He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no atter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger."
He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then..." he sighed...
Let's put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box.
Images
Come to me!
Cam people are dumb.
Damn Nigga! Is right.
Hmm.. I wonder..
Gay.
Uh oh.
I bet it hurt.
Not his car.
- FFL -
Coming this afternoon.
Edit: Got drunk on day off, will have double FFL Friday or Saturday. Sorry suckas!
* When you phone somebody, you're hoping to get their voice mail.
* You never ask anyone a question, because you have no interest in their answer.
* When you have a passenger in the car , you turn the stereo up as loud as you can.
* You spend a lot of time in the garage alone.
* When you have something to say , you speak loudly without taking a pause and quickly leave the room.
* E-mail is your favorite method of communicating because you can say whatever you want without interruption and then delete the reply without reading it.
* When you come upon someone walking in the street, instead of saying "Good Morning"you pretend to see something important in the distance and start running towards it.
* Your office phone has been set on Voice Mail since 1991.
* On the rare occasion when you send greeting cards, you don't sign them.
* You wear headphones that aren't plugged into anything.
» Ever seen black Styrofoam? Racist. posted on 07/11/05 by Opie
Be sure read Saturday's post in case you missed it.
Note: June archives and Daily babes are up.
True sentence:
A little girl asked me if Aliens existed, I said that they do - but we call them Mexicans.
I either saw this on TV or posted it.. Hilarious though.
Couch, yes couch racing. Big comfortable crash.
Stuck on a rock.
JOKE!
Tom did like he always does, kissing his wife, crawling into bed and falling to sleep. All of a sudden, he wakes up with an elderly man dressed in a white robe standing in front of his bed.
"What the hell are you doing in my bedroom?...and who are you?" he asked. "This is not your bedroom," the man replied, "I am St. Peter, and you are in heaven." "WHAT! Are you saying I'm dead? I don't want to die! I'm too young," said Tom. "I want you to send me back immediately." "It's not that easy," said St. Peter. "You can only return as a dog or a hen. The choice is your own."
Tom thought about it for a while, and figured out that being a dog is too tiring, but a hen probably has a nice and relaxed life. Running around with a rooster can't be that bad. "I want to return as a hen," Tom replied. And in the next second, he found himself in a chicken run, really nicely feathered.
But now he felt like his rear end was going to blow. Then along came the rooster. "Hey, you must be the new hen St. Peter told me about," he said. "How do you like being a hen?"
"Well, OK I guess, but it feels like my ass is about to explode." "Oh that!" said the rooster. "That's only the ovulation going on. You need to lay an egg." "How do I do that?" Tom asked. "Cluck twice, and then you push all you can." Tom clucked twice and pushed more than he was good for, and then 'plop' an egg was on the ground. "Wow" Tom said. "That felt really good!" So he clucked again and squeezed. And you better believe that there was yet another egg on the ground.
The third time he clucked, he heard his wife shout: "Tom, Wake up! You're shittin' all over the bed!"
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