Super Duper Friday.. shit. posted on 11/28/03 by Shane
Yep, another dumbass on video.
Bringing you the Ghetto Prom
And not so ghetto without a white boy!
A woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods. She
went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog said to
her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three 3 wishes."
The woman freed the frog. The frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that
there was a condition to your wishes-that whatever you wish for, your husband
will get ten times more or better!"
The woman said, "That would be okay." For her first wish, she wanted to be the
most beautiful woman in the world. The frog warned her, "You do realize that this
wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis
that women will flock to. The woman replied, "That will be okay because I will
be the most beautiful woman and he will only have eyes for me." So, KAZAM-she's
the most beautiful woman in the world.
For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog
said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world and he will be
ten times richer than you." The woman said, "That will be okay because what's
mine is his and what's his is mine." So, KAZAM-she's the richest woman in the
world!
The frog then inquired about her third wish,.......And she answered, "I'd like
a mild heart attack."
Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them!
Lady Readers: This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue feeling
better.
Guy Readers, hold your mouse over the black part below .....
The
man had a 10 times milder Heart Attack!!!
Moral of the Story: Women are dumb so you can very easily mess with them!!!
Time to kick some names and take some ass posted on 11/26/03
by Shane
Long loads on these, be patient.
Very cool Lion and Hyena Video. (Lions owned them at the end)
Think you were good at Super Mario 3? This guy beat it in 11 minutes.
Official Transcript of Press Conference by Santa Barbara Sheriff Jim Anderson
Anderson: Good morning, ladies and gentlemen.
Yesterday morning at around 8:30 a.m., investigators from the Santa Barbara Sheriff's
Department served a search warrant at Neverland Ranch. Approximately 70 investigators
from the sheriff's department and district attorney's office were involved in
the service of this warrant at Neverland Ranch. The operation was concluded around
11 p.m. PT last night. The service of the warrants was part of an ongoing investigation
alleging criminal misconduct on the part of Michael Jackson.
The basis for this investigation regarding Mr. Jackson involves allegations of
child molestation 288(a) of the California penal code.
Additionally, an arrest warrant for Mr. Jackson has been issued on multiple counts
of child molestation. The bail amount on the warrant has been set at $3 million.
Now we'll open it up to the press for questions.
Reporter: Yes, What does Michael Jackson consider a perfect 10?
Anderson: I'm sorry?
Reporter: What does Michael Jackson consider a perfect ten?
Anderson: I... don't know...
Reporter: Two five year olds!
[Reporters break out into laughter]
Anderson: Come on. That's just childish. Next question, please.
Reporter: Yes, have you also heard today that the Boy Scouts released Michael
Jackson from his Cub Scouts duties?
Anderson: No, I'm sorry I hadn't.
Reporter: Yeah, apparently he was up to a pack a day.
[Reporters ROAR with laughter]
Anderson: No more Michael Jackson jokes! Serious questions only. [Scans room]
Yes, you.
Reporter: Yes, it was our understanding that upon hearing the news of his arrest,
Mr. Jackson had to be taken to the hospital.
Anderson: I hadn't heard that.
Reporter: Yeah, apparently he was choking on a small bone!
[Reporters are now CONVULSING in uncontrollable laughter]
Anderson: Quiet! That's enough! Don't you have any compassion or understanding
of the present situation? A man is being accused of sexually molesting an innocent
12-year-old boy, and there could very well be other children who were molested,
and all you can do is use this opportunity to crack jokes?"
[Reporters begin to hang heads in shame]
Anderson: Good. Now, does anyone have a question pertaining to the investigation
that's not a Michael Jackson joke?
[No hands raise]
Anderon: "NONE OF YOU?!"
[A hand goes up]
Anderson: Yes, you there.
Reporter: What exactly were investigators looking for when you searched Mr. Jackson's
home?
Anderson: This isn't a setup to a joke?
Reporter: No sir, it's a serious question.
Anderson: Well good, but unfortunately, I'm not at liberty to discuss that.
Repoter: Really? Because we were told you were looking for something black and
white and comes in little cans!
[Reporters BURST OUT in laughter]
Anderson: Now come on! That's just… no wait, you know I just got it — Comes in
little cans! [Laughs]. Okay, okay, I got one, and stop me if you've heard this
one before: How does the sheriff's department already know he's guilty?
[waits for anticipation]
Anderson: Because several children have already fingered him!"
[Reporters HOWL]
Anderson: I know, I know! We made that one up on the way over here.
TV makes your eyes fall out. posted on 11/25/03 by Shane
They didn't want you to se this clip on the news.
Two men in the bar talk about sex.
One suddenly says: "I prefer the Rodeo position"
The other; "The Rodeo position? What the fuck is that?"
"Well" says the other: "You have the woman on all fours, fuck her from behind
and grab her breasts and then whisper in her ears: "Your tits feel as good as
your sister's", See how many seconds you can keep your dick in!!"
--------------------------------------
There were 3 woman getting ready to be executed. A brunette, a redhead,
and a blonde.
The brunette steps forward and the executioner asks her if she has any last words.
She replies "no". The executioner yells "Ready, Aim!" Suddenly the brunnete yells
"Earthquake!". Everyone jumps to the ground to take cover while the brunette runs
away and escapes.
Next, the red head steps forward, and the executioner asks her if she has any
last words. She replies "no". The exectutioner yells "Ready, Aim!" Suddenly the
red head yells "Tornado!". Everyone jumps to the ground looking for cover while
the red head runs away and escapes.
Finally the blonde steps forward. She has it all figured out. The executioner
asks her if she has any last words and she replies "no". The executioner yells
"Ready, Aim!" Suddenly the blonde yells "FIRE!!"
--------------------------------------
A young boy was sitting on the side walk with a small bottle of sulphuric
acid, pouring drops on the ants as they crawled past.
A priest passing by saw this, and approached the boy.
"Good morning, young man. What are you doing with that little bottle?" he asked
politely.
"I'm burning the ants with the acid," the boy replied.
Thinking that a bottle of acid was perhaps a bit dangerous for a small boy to
play with, the priest thought of how he could persuade the boy to part with it.
"I have a bottle of holy water here that you could put on the ants instead," said
the priest.
"No way!" said the boy, "I'd rather have this bottle."
"But mine is special holy water," said the priest.
"What's so special about it?" enquired the boy.
"Aha!" said the priest, "I once put a drop of this on a woman's belly .. and she
passed a child ..."
"That's nothing!" exclaimed the boy, "I once put a drop of this on a dog's balls,
and he passed a Kawasaki!"
Entensity will now be updated Monday - Friday (maybe more than once a day).. The
post just wont be as much. Why? Because I'm a lazy fuck and this is faster.. If
you're interested in posting crap like I post shoot me an e-mail
(you must be at least 17, a forum member would help too.) I could do it myself
since I have a little net time everyday, but with more posting = more time I can
work on the content and stuff.
[sarcasm]To all you Viagra e-mailers:
Please stop sending my ways to make my dick hard - it gets hard like 84 times
a day, I don't need it.[/sarcasm]
ANYWAY, have you heard of Crazy Mike?
Crazy Mike walks into the pharmacy and says to the pharmacist, “Look, I’ve got
three girls coming over tonight. I’ve never had three girls at once, so what have
you got to keep me horny and potent all night?”
The pharmacist reaches down, unlocks a bottom drawer and brings up a box labeled
“Viagra Extra Strength” containing single wrapped packets. He says, “Take one
of these and you’ll go crazy for 12 hours.”
Crazy Mike replies, “Hell, gimme three!”
The next day Mike returns to the same pharmacist, who smiles and asks, “Well,
how’d it go?”
In answer, Mike pulls down his pants, to display his penis that’s black and blue
and blistered, one of the sorriest sights the pharmacist had ever seen.
Crazy Mike says, “Gimme a tube of Ben Gay.”
The pharmacist replies in horror. “You’re not going to put Ben Gay on that are
you?”
Mike replies, “Hell, no, it’s for my arms. The girls didn’t show up.”
If you missed Triumph at the American Idol Auditions on Conan, here's your chance
to see it again. It's both parts all rared up.
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things
people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by
court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were
actually taking place.
Q: Are you sexually active?
A: No, I just lie there.
________________________________
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July 15.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
______________________________________
Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
______________________________________
Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?
_____________________________________
Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.
_____________________________________
Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that
morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
______________________________________
Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.
______________________________________
Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he
doesn't know about it until the next morning?
A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
___________________________________
Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
_____________________________________
Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
______________________________________
Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?
______________________________________
Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?
______________________________________
Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
______________________________________
Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?
______________________________________
Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice
which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
______________________________________
Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.
______________________________________
Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
______________________________________
Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
______________________________________
Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.
I have so much to do here it's not even funny. I will do the movies next, and
THEN the features and oh yeah THEN the downloads section. Well the movies will
go in there, but you know what I mean.
I'll try to get some new stuff added shortly, but the site needs updated too.
Just keep checking back for more. Oh and use the submit
page to send shit, not the comments page.
I'll also start looking for some more people to post soon. With over 7k unique
people coming a day, You guys must want something to look at right?
Note: The reason the site was been going a tad slower is because of a fiber cut
on the main line. Should be fixed before this afternoon.
Alright finally got this server up, you may get some down time when they add another
512mb stick of RAM. Keep an eye on the features and updates, because I have a
lot more shit to add.
Oh and I told you retards I had some shit to post. TA DA.
A guy walks into a shoe store and asks for a pair of size 8 tie shoes. The salesman
says, “But, sir, I can see from up here you're at least a size 11.” The guy says,
“Just bring me a size 8 tie shoe.” The salesman brings them, the guy stuffs his
feet into them, ties them tight, and then he stands up, obviously in pain. He
says to the salesman, “I lost my business and my house, I live with my mother-in-law,
my wife is screwing my best friend and my daughter is pregnant.
The only pleasure I have in life is taking off these fucking shoes.”
Here's a few images
If you you ever date a deaf chick, this may come in handy. (no pun intended)
Resume of: Shaynana Chiquita Shanekia "Pookie" Jones
ADDRESS: 2036 South Side Skreet, Compton, CA 11122 PHONE: Cut off right now but will be back on by the 15th OBJECTIVE: To one day forefill my dream of bein'a Soul Train danca and
you know just gittin' my life togetha and stuff. I also hope to one day be the
best cosmotologecalist (you know what I mean) Beauty Speciacalist) there is in
my hood. SKILLS: I do hurh (hair) and nails in my kitchen and I be using my glitter
and weave bonding glue for arts and crafts and stuff. I be doing braids in any
texture or color: synthetic or real human hurh. Black, blonde, brown, dark brown,
dark black, gold blonde,dark gold blonde,red, maroon,blue and rainbow colors.
EDUCATION: THE "GET YOURS" HOME CORREPONDENCE COURSE, INC. and BIG MAMA'S
HOUSE OF HAIR N' NAILS N' FRIED CHICKEN N' GREENS N' STUFF (gradmuated with honors
for the most extenzions done in a year's time). WORK EXPERIENCE:
Big Daddy's Motel Motor Lodge Bar & Grill & Pool Hall & Bait N' Tackle Shop (January
10, 1998 - January 30, 1998)
Reason for leaving: Big Daddy kept hitting on me.
My Baby's Daddy Day Care Center Car Wash & Shoe Repair (Nov. 2, 1998 - Nov.10,
1998)
Reason for Leaving: They tri to work a sistuh to death and I got thangs ta do!
The Golden Tooth Dental & Jewelry Emporium (Mar. 1, 1998 - Nov. 1, 1998)
I loveded this job cause they gaveded me a free tooth every month and now I can
spell my baby daddy name but they done up and fired me cause I let one of my homeboys
sniff that laughing gas. He just smelt it; he don't do drugs no mo.
Kim Fung Toi's Restuarat & Pet Shop (you don't even wanna know).
Jimmy's Jheri Curls & Motor Lube (Nov. 6, 1998 - >Nov. 7, 1998)
Reason for Leaving: (Hospitalized for spine injury when I slipped on an overflow
over activator).
The Ike Turner Hoe Slap Recovery Center ( Jan 5, 1999- Jan 12, 1999)
accommodations; yes, I worked there and was a patient too)
Reason for Leaving: Center closed down cause Tina Turner done refused Ike's request
to give us a benefit concert and donate the money to Ike. Ike say Tina done got
beside hurself since she a big star and evythang. He say he remember when she
was Anna Mae Bullock from Nut Bush, Tennessee.
References:
Pookie Terrence Johnson (my 1st baby's daddy)
Tray Oscar Pickens (my 2nd baby's daddy)
Tommy "Slick Tooth" Griffin (my 9th baby's daddy)
Lawanda Jenkins (from up the skreet)
Hezakiah Clevestus "the playa" Jones (my mama's sister's brother-in-law, uncle
half-brother)
The Right Reverend Aliza Benjamin Ineedadrank O'Grady (Pastor of The Greater Mt.
Carmel Church of God in Christ Kingdom Hall of Our Lady of Saints Holy Rosary
Later Day Seventh Advent Saints Episcapaleen Saidified Non-Denominational Baptist
Church, Inc. (a not-for-profit agency).
Note: All time periods unaccounted for above when I wasn't working are "none of
your business but I was not on no welfare cause I done always worked at something
nother."
Resume by The Professional Resume People, Inc. of South Central
How to screw up an interview Supposedly this has been done at real interviews..
1. "... stretched out on the floor to fill out the job application."
2. "She wore a Walkman and said she could listen to me and the music at the same
time."
3. " A balding candidate abruptly excused himself. Returned to office a few minutes
later, wearing a hairpiece."
4. "... asked to see interviewer's resume to see if the personnel executive was
qualified to judge the candidate."
5. "... announced she hadn't had lunch and proceeded to eat a hamburger and french
fries in the interviewer's office - wiping the ketchup on her sleeve"
6. "Stated that, if he were hired, he would demonstrate his loyalty by having
the corporate logo tattooed on his forearm."
7. "Interrupted to phone his therapist for advice on answering specific interview
questions."
8. "When I asked him about his hobbies, he stood up and started tap dancing around
my office."
9 . "At the end of the interview, while I stood there dumbstruck, went through
my purse, took out a brush, brushed his hair, and left."
10. "... pulled out a Polaroid camera and snapped a flash picture of me. Said
he collected photos of everyone who interviewed him."
11. "Said he wasn't interested because the position paid too much."
12. "While I was on a long-distance phone call, the applicant took out a copy
of Penthouse, and looked through the photos only, stopping longest at the centerfold."
13. "During the interview, an alarm clock went off from the candidate's brief
case. He took it out, shut it off, apologized and said he had to leave for another
interview."
14. "A telephone call came in for the job applicant. It was from his wife. His
side of the conversation went like this: "Which company? When do I start? What's
the salary?" I said, "I assume you're not interested in conducting the interview
any further." He promptly responded, "I am as long as you'll pay me more. "I didn't
hire him, but later found out there was no other job offer. It was a scam to get
a higher offer."
15. "His attached [case] opened when he picked it up and the contents spilled,
revealing ladies' undergarments and assorted makeup and perfume."
16. "Candidate said he really didn't want to get a job, but the unemployment office
needed proof that he was looking for one."
17. "... asked who the lovely babe was, pointing to the picture on my desk. When
I said it was my wife, he asked if she was home now and wanted my phone number.
I called security."
18. "Pointing to a black case he carried into my office, he said that if he was
not hired, the bomb would go off. Disbelieving, I began to state why he would
never be hired and that I was going to call the police. He then reached down to
the case, flipped a switch and ran. No one was injured, but I did need to get
a new desk."
Common side affects may include death. posted on 11/02/03
by Shane
This was made during the blackout a few months back
Jokes
Why did the blonde snort sweet and low?
Because she thought it was diet coke.
Clark works hard at the plant, puts in a lot of overtime, and then spends
most evenings bowling, playing basketball or working out at the gym. His wife,
Jessica, thinks he is pushing himself too hard, so, for his birthday, she takes
him to a local strip club.
The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Clark, how ya doing?"
Jessica is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.
"Oh no," says Clark. "He works out at the gym with me."
When they are seated, a waitress asks Clark if he'd like his usual Budweiser.
Jessica is now becoming uncomfortable and says, "You must come here a lot for
that woman to know you drink Budweiser."
"No, honey, she's in the Ladies Bowling League. We share lanes with them."
A stripper comes over to their table and throws her arms around Clark. "Hi Clarky,"
she says, "want your usual table dance?"
Jessica, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.
Clark follows and spots his wife getting into a cab. Before Jessica can slam the
door, Clark jumps in beside her. Right away she starts screaming at him.
The cabby turns his head and says, "Looks like you picked up a real bitch tonight,
Clark."
Thanks again to those that donated for the new server and I should have access
sometime Monday. Next update will be on the new server so when you see it you'll
know the DNS has updated for you. Look for some media and the features to be updated.
Hint on the Fmedia: Dumb and Dumberer.
Donations are still welcomed, send to shane@entensity.net via paypal. Thanks.
