I'm tired as a.. posted on 05/27/04 by Opie

***Edit*** Will be taking a break for posting new stuff until Tuesday for the Mem Day weekend. Site maintenance and server upgrades are needed. So Tuesday expect a huge update (So keep sending stuff in)... Just letting you guys know. ***Edit***

True Story: - Not mine

So I went camping this weekend for maylong, me a about 6 other friends decided to head out to a lake with a little less people this year and just have our own little party.

There was of course still other teenagers around and such, well we did party but the amount of stupid ones is just insane. This one kid ate an insane amount of shrooms then downed a 26 of Rye in 5 minutes, he was blue and couldn't stand up and shit, so the rest of his friends duck taped him to a fucking tree and left him there.

Then he got undone and grabbed an axe and started swinging it around, and yelling everyone is my friend, then ran off into the bush...

From Brazil: (I think, forgot what e-mail said)









A woman decides to have a facelift for her birthday. She spends $5,000 and feels pretty good about the results. On her way home she stops at a newsstand to buy a paper. Before leaving, she asks the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?"

"About 32", the clerk replies.

"I'm actually 47," the woman says happily.

A little while later, she goes into McDonald's, and upon getting her order, asks the counter girl the same question. She replies, "I'd quess about 29."

The woman replies, "Nope, I am 47." Now she is feeling really good about herself.

While waiting for the bus home, she asks an old man the same question. He replies, "I'm 78 and my eyesight is starting to go. Although, when I was young, there was a sure way to tell how old a woman was, but it requires you to let me put my hands up your shirt and feel your boobs. Then I can tell exactly how old you are."

They waited in silence on the empty street until curiosity got the best of the woman, and she finally said, "What the hell, go ahead."

The old man slips both hands up her shirt, under her bra, and begins to feel around. After a couple of minutes, she says, "Okay, okay, how old am I?"

He removes his hands and says, "You are 47."

Stunned, the woman says, "That is amazing! How did you know?"

The old man replies, "I was behind you in line at McDonald's."

- FFL -

- Ouch.
- Westside.
- Gay flash.
- Like asses?
- Build a Coaster.
- This is a cool site.
- Uh oh. Nazi dogs.
- Panda Jizz? Hmmm.
- Virtual Pig Dissection
- Kinky.. Hamster porn.
- What the fuck is this about.
- Make me a sandwich bitch!
- Ohhh look at the pretty colors.
- Is this guy stupid or something?
- Worth a re-post. Roller coaster fun.
- Click the pictures on the left. (Top 3)
- They have a Museum for freaky foods.
- Snowball game. Yeah, I said snowballs.
- Apparently this little bitch loves weed.
- I bet these mothers hate R Kelly then.
- The song is call "Cry for help"..No pun either.
- Ha, I remember this story on the Pepsi points.
- Need to know if someone is dead? Find it here.
- Haha, What a stinky table. Also this guy is nuts.
- Skippy can't do 213 things in the Army anymore.
- Figure out this game and pat yourself on the back.
- Pretty neat 3D car thingy. You move it and stuff.
- Why would you need TP with shit on it other than shit?
- The people at Circuit City are smoking crack. Great savings though.
- You kids are fucking stupid. Just buy a bunch and hang yourself with them.
- Ok, she's naked - On a web cam - Playing with herself... I mention she's hot?
- Watch video 4. Yeah she's hot, except she forgot about something. Can you spot it?

156 comments Forums make YOU wet.. posted on 05/26/04 by Opie



The Forums are now open again.
Ran out of time so I lied about the stuff promised yesterday. You'll get over it and will see it tomorrow. Unless I do something else, like masturbate.

Also when signing up give it a about 3-5 days to get approved and if you spam to get to the porn, the Mods will ban you before you make it.

Don't waste their time. Got it?

Edit "There are currently 500 user(s) awaiting moderation." - (In about 10 hours)

You guys are gonna be waiting for awhile.

I'm also going to have to mysql, because you guys are killing it. Be patient.

64 comments I like to handle Crawfish, then rub my eyes. posted on 05/25/04 by Opie



Goddamn that's funny. Look at his face haha.



Why can't we have shows like this?



Damn!.. Big ass tittas.



This dude kicks some ass. It's like five. against him.



Not sure.



Get out of our picture asshole.
I'll have some FFL for you guys tommorrow...

P.S. If I get one more fucking submission that has the following:

C:\Documents and Settings\default\My Documents\coolthingy.jpg

I will stab myself a bunch of times and stuff. I don't have your docs at my house morons.

94 comments Short one.. No, not your penis. posted on 05/24/04 by Opie

True story: (Submitted)

Last Friday in English class, this kid's cell phone rang. My school's strict about cell phones so my English teacher went over to him right away.

My English teacher told the kid to take it out, so he did, but he answered it too. All he said was "Hello?" because my English teacher grabbed it out of his hand. So whoever was calling kept doing it for a while until my teacher turned the phone off.

So on Monday when everyone went back to school, we found out the kid's dad died and it was him who called him during class asking his son where his heart pills were.



Oops. Fired.



Babe is getting pounded.



Naughty.



Yep.. idiot.
Q: What does Dale Earnhardt and Pink Floyd have in common?
A: Their last great hit was the wall.

Q: When is the only time you wink and smile at a black person?
A: When you are looking down the sights of a rifle.

- FFL -

- Pictures of Jesus.
- Hot girls. Porn-ish.
- Naked people riding.
- Someone buy me this Island.
- Funnel or Tunnel. I missed 5.
- Wonder how fast he was going?
- What's going on over at this site.
- What the fuck.. Are you kidding me?
- Would you let her suck on your wang?
- Go hand Gramps his penis cane Timmy.
- Haha, you fuckers are gonna get drafted.
- Cool, someone found a site to buy these.
- Must be a slow news week, because who cares?
- I'd like to throw a plate of hot grease on you. John 3:16
- I wonder if the Secret Service has seen that Internet thing.
- Lots of Family Guy audio clips. (The site also has some video clips)
- Darn gators. I would have cut this fuckers head off. (Berg style.. Oops)

88 comments Who needs foreplay when you're jacking off? posted on 05/21/04 by Opie

Q: Why did the boy fall off the swing?
A: He didn't have any arms.

Q: What do you call a black person in a tool shed?
A: Out of date farming equipment.



Reminds of of that Roy Jones Jr. fight.



Knock outs in UFC.



Condom commercial.. Apparently aired in Africa or something.



I may start watching fashion shows more often.



What actually was he trying to do again?
It's that time again for...



WHO DOESN'T BELONG??? (Some be tricky)
Drunk Asians:



Oops.



Captain Obvious to the rescue.



Looks like a fun game.



If you look close, you'll see a non-retard.



Sorry this looks photoshopped. If not, damn.



Wonder how they pulled this one off.



Awwww.
Timmy and Jimmy are two young British lads who live next door to each other.

On Christmas morning, Timmy runs downstairs and unwraps his gifts. There are board games! There are books! There's some new clothing! Timmy is overwhelmed with joy.

He runs next door to see Jimmy.

"Jimmy! Jimmy! What did you get for Christmas?"

"I got a new X-Box, a new mountain bike, some Matrix sunglasses and a new digital camera," Jimmy replied. "What did you get?"

Solemnly, Timmy replied, "Oh, you know. Some board games, some books, some new clothes and stuff."

"You didn't get very much stuff," Jimmy said cockily.

"Oh yeah?" said Timmy. "Well at least I don't have leukemia."

- FFL -

- I'd hit it.
- Outrage Family.
- Crazy Russians.
- Poot. (Porn-ish)
- Skeet skeet skeet!
- Haha Bill Cosby rules.
- Time killing, fun game.
- That X-box looks neat.
- Steven Hawking rules.
- Stuff about gay people.
- This hurts my head. Bad.
- Oh neat.. College slang.
- Lots of girl's pictures here.
- Oh snap! Help this guy out.
- Starts off slow, just watch.
- Funny story. (It's a spoof site)
- Alligator got owned by a kid. Blah.
- Wow, that would be really fu..nny.
- Useless Asian inventions. (Go figure)
- Some white people are just plain stupid.
- Everyone point and laugh at these guys.
- Family Guy rules, so do all these quotes.
- Very cool site on the make-up movies do.
- I always wanted to go on a Gothic cruise.
- Nine naked men. Kind of dumb. (Penis-ish)
- What the fuck are these Asians up to now?
- Awesome game. Shoot each other with bows.
- I take it he doesn't like dodge. But who does?
- No it's really - "You shut the fuck up and listen"
- Stick a real football up there and I'll be impressed.
- I always thought bras where dumb, now I hate them.
- Haha, would you like to walk into work and see this?
- Damn, I want one of these. (To chase midgets with)
- We need some of these banks here. (Long, but good)
- This makes me want to go get some pillows and build a fort.
- People that have these on their car, probably work at Denny's.
- Older link, but still fun. (It will guess the TV character you're thinking)
- Draw and type with others. (This should be interesting with this crowd.)
- Mcdonalds only made this because 85% of their employees, well are black.
- The hockey player that kicks names and takes ass.. website. (Clip on action clips)

P.S. Learn how to read the updates before you e-mail me bitching about no post. Next time that happens, I get ban happy.

I'll also do this month's archives today when I get off work.

83 comments They callin' me. posted on 05/18/04 by Opie

Q: Why are all black people fast?
A: Because the slow ones are in jail.



Hockey rules.

On the left, A fight. - On the right, The vid from that pic a few days ago.



Don't throw food at fat kids.



Clip from a Freddy movie, changed around.



HUGE BITCH PART 11!!!!



Well she does.. right?
Hey, don't do that:



Step 1, throw rocks.



Step 2, pee pants... Dang, no step 3.
Uh Oh joke #1

A cruise ship sinks, and there are only 3 survivors, two men and one woman. They stay on a desert island, but its lonely, and soon the woman begins to have sex with the men left and right. But a year later, without rescue, she felt horrible about what she'd done and hung herself...the men were mortified.

"What are we going to do for fun?" they asked...then they turned to each other with a knowing smile.

A year later, they felt bad about what they'd been doing....

SO THEY BURIED THE BITCH.

Uh Oh joke #2

Man is in a bar talking to his friend.

He says, "Goddamn, last night was good for me!". His friend asks why and the man says, "well, I was just looking out of my window towards the train lines and saw this girl tied to the tracks. I went out and brought her back inside.. Got her cleaned up a bit and I fucking scored! We were fucking all night in every room and in every possible position".

His friend says, "ah you lucky bastard, was she hot?"

The man replies with, "Dunno, never found her head!"

The INTERNET is fun.



Bock Bock.



Yeah it is.



I love hockey more and more everyday.



Can you find the kid?



This was on last night's WWE RAW.. See it?



I don't think people look for treasure there. (Unless your name is Micheal.)

- FFL -

- School Girls. (Porn)
- Hahaha.. Funny flash.
- Check out these clits.
- Funniest thing I read all day.
- $5 bucks says he stole them all.
- I wonder what the director of this flick is like.
- Very good tutorial on how to build your own PC.
- I need a new fetish.. HOW ABOUT SPACEGIRLS?!
- John Kerry's daughter's TITTIESSSSSSSSSS. Yep.

140 comments Cool subject goes here posted on 05/17/04 by Opie

Jokes and FFL today:

A typical married couple were lying in bed one night. The wife had curled up ready to go to sleep and the husband put his bed lamp on to read a book. As he was reading, he paused and reached over to his wife and started fondling her pussy. He did this only for a very short while. Then he would stop, and resume reading his book.

The wife gradually became aroused with this. Thinking that her husband was seeking some response as encouragement, before going any further, she got up and started stripping in front of him.

The husband confused, asked, "What are you doing taking all your clothes off?"

The wife replied, "You were playing with my pussy, I thought it was foreplay to stimulate making love with you tonight."

The husband said, "No, not at all."

Then the wife asked, "Well what the hell were you doing then?"

The husband replied, "I was wetting my fingers so I could turn the pages in the book."

--------------------------------------------------------------
One day a lady goes to her doctor and asks her how to get her husband to sleep with her more. The doctor leaves the room then returns with a little bottle and says, "Put one pill into his coffee everyday, the results are instant."

The lady goes home and puts one into his coffee right away, and that night she got a little feel from her husband but nothing more.

Disappointed, the next day she dumped in the whole bottle. Six months later the phone rings And the doctor asks, "Did they work"? The son replied, "My moms dead, my sister is pregnant, my ass hurts, and Dad... Well Dad's on the roof chasing the cat with a bottle of Vaseline."

--------------------------------------------------------------
An elderly woman moves into a nursing home. Her daughter helps her unpack and get settled in. After a few days, the woman notices a male resident who sits out on the porch every day, all by himself. She decides to go over and talk to him.

She asks if she can sit with him awhile. He looks at her for a second and says, "Yeah, you can, but only if you'll hold my dick." At first she's horrified and outraged. But then she thinks, "He's lonely, I'm lonely..." Finally, she agrees. She gets a blanket to put over their laps and she sits next to him every day, holding his dick.

After a few weeks, her daughter comes to take her mother for a weekend visit. When the woman returns to the nursing home, the first thing she sees is the man on the porch next to another elderly woman. They have a blanket across their laps. The first woman knows what the second woman is doing. She storms up the steps and starts yelling at the man.

"What does SHE have that I don't have?!" she screams.

The man just smiles and says, "Parkinson's."

--------------------------------------------------------------
A little girl was playing in the garden when she spotted two spiders mating.

"Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?" she asked.

"They're mating," her father replied.

"What do you call the spider on top, Daddy?" she asked.

"That's a daddy longlegs." her father answered.

"So, the other one is a mommy longlegs?" the little girl asked.

"No," her father replied. "Both of them are daddy longlegs."

The little girl thought for a moment, then took her foot and stamped them flat. "Well, we're not having that sort of shit in our garden."

--------------------------------------------------------------
In need of an assassin, the C.I.A. narrows the position down to three applicants. They are called in for a final test.
The first is given a 9mm and told, "Your wife is in the next room. Take this gun and shoot her, and the job is yours." He enters, only to return five minutes later, saying that he just can't kill his wife.

The second applicant is given the same gun, and told the same thing. He returns, sobbing, ten minutes later. "I'm sorry, I just can't kill the mother of my children..." He leaves and the final applicant is called in.

He is given the gun and told what he must do. He takes the gun and enters the room. Before the door swings shut, the interviewers hear a series of gun shots followed by painful screaming and the sound of breaking furniture. Finally the man emerges, bloody and drenched in sweat.

"Why didn't you tell me you put blanks in that gun? I had to beat the bitch to death with the chair!"

- FFL -

- Eat shit.
- Scatman?
- Donkey porn.
- Made me laugh.
- GTA - Lego City.
- Pee in the snow.
- Is that a water bed?
- Looks like a fun game.
- Good photoshop jobs here.
- Berg causing more trouble.
- Ouija Board... OH MY GOD!!
- ASIANS are fucking meanies.
- Rate dead people's pics. Yay.
- Run from the police now hippy.
- I beat off to this like, 22 times.
- My hand is insane or something.
- I believe you have my sta.. Oops
- Different kind of Battleship. I like it.
- He kinda looks like a little BABY!!!!!
- Christina made a funny commercial.
- I suddenly want to drink a Fanta now.
- Berg execution was a fake? You decide.
- Tards doing tard-like things. Pretty neat.
- X-ray pictures of a lot of different things.
- I love the fact, that a girl was behind this.
- Oh this should help out you virgins all right..
- I always wanted a dead person. 5 bucks bitch.
- This honkey/mutt has a huge dick. (Penis Alert)
- Here's that Roy Jones Jr. KO.. Shitty cam angle though.
- This crazy bitch has Strawberry Shortcake on her page.
- Graphic pictures alert. I've seen worst on Lifetime though,
- You can't be this stupid. Haha, I forgot who I'm typing too.
- Someone send that girl on the right to the toothpaste aisle.
- Hey look, A porn site without the Bullshit. (Few BS links though)
- I'd kick my own ass if I wore pink. Sorry boys, pink makes you gay.
- 10 pages of cleavage. (Started here because someone doesn't belong)

63 comments