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» Mechanics give Rim Jobs posted on 09/13/04 by Opie

Would be funny if you really saw this on the field.

Another point that proves cats are useless.

I bet that hurt. is a site that offers deaf people a place to make calls over the internet. Well a forum member took it upon himself to give out his voice-mail box # and let other members type up a message for the LIVE operator to say. Here's a little taste on what it's like:

Click the image, I may post more of these this week.


Damn Nigga.. Yep, AGAIN!

I'm helping you guys out.

Goatse works for Time?



Urban Legends.. OHHHH, AHHHHH, GRRRRR, and WEEEE

#1 It seems that a family was given a gift of a gorgeous cactus. (Or perhaps they bought it – I don't know.) At any rate, they took it home and gave it a place of honor in the dining room. (Or sun room or living room...)

They soon noticed an interesting phenomenon – the cactus appeared to be "breathing." In-out, in-out, ever so slightly moved the sides of the huge plant. At first the family thought nothing of it, but then the father or mother or some other responsible soul decided to check it out with the local nursery.

A telephone call was placed and the "breathing" described. The nurseryman shrieked in horror, and told the father (mother, other responsible soul) to "GET THE CACTUS OUT OF THE HOUSE, GET IT OUT NOW!" And Father (or whoever) dropped the phone and complied, racing to get the plant out into the yard.

When he took it outside the cactus EXPLODED and hundreds (thousands, tens of thousands) of baby spiders erupted from the interior of the (now defunct) houseplant.

#2 My great-great grandmother, ill for quite some time, finally passed away after laying in a coma for several days. My great-great grandfather was devastated beyond belief, as she was his one true love and they had been married over 50 years. They were married so long it seemed as if they knew each other's innermost thoughts.

Now, back in those days they had backyard burial plots and did not drain the body of its fluids. They simply prepared a proper coffin and committed the body (in its coffin) to its permanent resting place. Throughout this process, my great-great grandfather protested so fiercely that he had to be sedated and put to bed. His wife was buried and that was that.

That night he woke to a horrific vision of his wife hysterically trying to scratch her way out of the coffin. He phoned the doctor immediately and begged to have his wife's body exhumed. The doctor refused, but my great-great grandfather had this nightmare every night for a week, each time frantically begging to have his wife removed from the grave.

Finally the doctor gave in and, together with local authorities, exhumed the body. The coffin was pried open and to everyone's horror and amazement, my great-great grandmother's nails were bent back and there were obvious scratches on the inside of the coffin.


About to be Owned...

It's not owned, it's the infamous 1337 pwnt. (Awww they scribbled Entensity on him)

- FFL -

- Free cam girls!
- 26 stages of death.
- Fake, fake, and fake.
- Good logs from bash.
- Neat, nuclear explosions.
- Um, what should we call this?
- Should be an interesting site.
- Why are some honkies so stupid?
- Match the cards.. Big time killer.
- Open directory of porn. OOPS.
- Lookie Lookie heavy's got a movie.
- What in the blue anal fuck is this?
- Oh, go chop her head off or something.
- Who's man/woMAN enough to try one?
- Oh look, another open directory of porn.
- Rumor has it that a lot of kids online are rich.
- Recently posted picture that was edited. haha
- Well you wouldn't need that shot glass anymore.
- Now throw some foil on the wheels and you're a BMF.
- If you're a fan of that Jeopardy guy then don't read this.
- I would go out of my way to run over someone like this.
- I call my black homie at work "coon" He calls me honky.
- This one will offend quite a few of you. Psycho in the making.
- I site dedicated to that super hot Ewa Sonnet. (Big Ass Tittas)
- Trust me, nobody cares girlfriend. Try it on your throat next time.
- You really think that's a ghost? Check the links on the left for the story.
- Captain planet.. Starts off funny in the first 10 seconds, then turns extremely gay.
- Wow, a TON of old school TV show intro videos. Click TV Intro's on the left
- The aftermath of that chick flying off the motorcycle. In case you're too dumb too scroll, click here for the vid

» Blow me down - Popeye was a playa. posted on 09/10/04 by Opie

Ever wonder how a blind man knows when he's done wiping his ass? Yeah, me neither.

Check out the kid in the background.

Pretty sure this is a guy, Just gay.

Watch until the end for a surprise!

Top nine comments made by NBC sports commentators during
the Athens Summer Olympics that they would like to take back:

1. Weightlifting commentator: "This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw
her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing."

2. Dressage commentator: "This is really a lovely horse and I speak from
personal experience since I once mounted her mother."

3. Paul Hamm, Gymnast: "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother
and father."

4. Boxing Analyst: "Sure there have been injuries, and even some deaths
in boxing, but none of them really that serious."

5. Softball announcer: "If history repeats itself, I should think we can
expect the same thing again."

6. Basketball analyst: "He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't
like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces."

7. At the rowing medal ceremony: "Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the
IOC president is hugging the cox of the British crew."

8. Soccer commentator: "Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've
got eleven Dicks on the field."

9. Tennis commentator: "One of the reasons Andy is playing so well is
that, before the final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses
them... Oh my God, what have I just said?"

Church and blueballs go great together.

!!!!!!!!! New trend of caption or something..

Hey, you got me on this one too.


I like Nuns.

Come here bitch!

He's either gay or a pimp.


No idea.

- FFL -

- Lenny is evil.
- Pimp my grill.
- May Joe business.
- Young wet bitches.
- No results for Florida?
- Wanta be in a porno?
- Pretty neat war video.
- Looks like a dick to me.
- Stickfigures vs Breakout.
- Who likes Trent's sister?
- A 16 year old transsexual?
- KFC rules. PETA does not.
- Fuck bidding.. BUY IT NOW!
- This is just to funny for words.
- Holy shit, a remote control B52.
- Two heads are better than one.
- Imagine if that really happened.
- I bet he gets all the pussy in Ohio.
- You just need e-mail for this porn.
- The interior is actually pretty cool.
- Street Fighter.. On the INTERNET!
- Bush Campaign from The Daily Show.
- Tucker tries buttsex. (Long, but good)
- Cosmetic Labiaplasty? What the fuck.
- This gun was like the best part of T2.
- Planet Dan's Senior photos. Funny stuff.
- Dog robs gas station.. What's it coming too?
- I think this is a fake Jessica Alba sex scene.
- Animals fight back.. On the next Jenny Jones.
- Wrestling fans: Remember when Owen Hart died? Pics!
- Hey, I always wondered what a weed whacker felt like.
- Pretty funny DHL commercial. You've probably seen it.
- All the McDonald's workers here are 300 pound black women. Playboy is dumb.
- Not sure what's really going on the the bottles and 2 quarters guy.

» Witty subject goes here. posted on 09/08/04 by Opie

Edit: 9/10/04 You might want to check back late tonight for the weeks post for Friday and the weekend, it's a good one. Also I'm on vacation next week and I'll finally have time to finish all the sections/features. Thanks for your patience.

Holy hell, dogs can talk now! The world is ending..

Time for the e-mail bag



I am the man depicted as injuring himself in the movie file DvsDDR.wmv
(a file which you renamed dork.wmv). I am emailing regarding that file
and your possession of it.

While I do not object (in fact I wholeheartedly approve) of the
existence and distribution of this video among netizens, I object to
it being not only renamed but also placed on your site,
The forum community I hail from takes pride in its unique sense of
humor, and it is clear from your website that not only are you
completely devoid of this humor, you are also clearly incapable of
understanding said humor. A credo on the forums is "It's not FOR you".
After viewing your site, and the extremely primitive and base-level
"humor" and "content" located within, it is quite clear that
DvsDDR.wmv is not FOR you.

I demand that you remove dork.wmv and all links and images of such
from your webserver and website within 48 hours or I will be forced to
take legal action against you.

If you have any questions, feel free to reply.

William Marlett"

Well I must say, these guys really are dorks. If you want the video removed you'll have to send some proof there home-skillet.

Ok, all smart girls point to the right!

Who let the blonde park my ride?

Damn Nigga!


A man walks into a bar (located in a rather rural area) and exclaims to the bartender, "I'll bet you a beer that you could bring out any animal pelt and I could tell you, while blindfolded, what animal it was and how it was killed." The bartender rather curious about the man's claim agrees.

The bartender blindfolds the rather confident man and hands him a pelt. The man feels the pelt and exclaims, "Squirrel; 22 Rifle". "Holy shit!" the bartender yells. He promptly rewards the man with a beer.

This continued with almost everyone in the bar: "Raccoon; 30 alt 6"..."Deer; 12 guage buckshot"...everyone of them right.

After a long night of winning beer, the man wakes up the next morning to see himself in the mirror with two black eyes. He yells at his wife, "Honey, did I come home drunk last night?" She replied, "Hell yes you were trashed."

"Well what the hell happened to my face?" the man asked. "Did I get jumped or mugged or something?"

"No," she said, "everything was fine until you got into bed, reached under the covers and said 'Skunk; killed by an axe'"

Visit this free site and win a stuffed teddy bear

- FFL-

- It's a black Jeeves!
- Let's go ride bikes!
- Punked Piñata game.
- Lesbian nude scenes.
- Very cool animation's.
- Very cool flash cartoon.
- Kill the ants. All of them.
- Make your own crazy eyes!
- No "come onnnn tittie" here.
- Golf game, might keep you busy.
- Useless timers for useless people.
- Racist butts and some another stuff.
- What came first? Chicken or the Egg...
- Not really sure what the point of this is.
- Vote for the hottest presidential daughter today.
- Hey guys here are some ladies in lingerie, well kind of.
- "Fell from his two story roof while masturbating in a lawnchair".
- A page full of deformed babies, pretty sad even though I call bullshit on the title.

P.S. Comments are gone, because they are uselesss.

» Short and sweet posted on 09/07/04 by Opie

Ohhh he's really good!

Scooby snacks?

Check out that beast to your left.

Time to go huntin'.

Not sure what happened, but it looked like fun.

Look close for the mystery man.

Who else masturbates while drunk?

That picture is crazy.

- FFL -

- Boner time.
- Piece of cake.
- Miss Gay USA?
- That's just gay.
- Iraq News Update.
- Anti Abortion site.
- Random Chinese Kid.
- How sexy is this work?
- Pretty neat sketchbook.
- I think a lawsuit is needed.
- This game is too addicting.
- Stick Avalanche.. Pretty hard.
- Bush's view on OBGYN doctors.
- Quite a few Volleyball chick pics.. bitch.
- Hey it's video clips of girls kissing in the movies.
- Who's she kidding with that "Long-term relationship" shit?
- This video turns from calm to crazy in about 15 seconds.

» Mustard and honey taste good. posted on 09/06/04 by Opie

Q and A

Q: Why didn't Ray Charles make it to heaven?
A: He couldn't see the light.

Q: What do you call a Mexican with a lowered car?
A: Carlos.

Q: Did you hear about the new "Blond" paint?
A: It's not too bright, but it spreads easy.

Q: What do you call 1000 Mexicans neck deep in the sand?
A: Not enough Sand.

Q: Whats funnier then a dead baby in a clown dress?
A: A dead baby in a clown dress next to a kid with down syndrome.

Q: What do a call a mexican walking barefoot on the beach?
A: Santos.

Q: What To Gay Horses Eat?

Q: What does the white man say on his anniversary?
A: Nothing. They divorce too much to have one.

Q: How many Feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: That's not funny.



A man dies and goes to heaven. He looks around the white fluff, and notices thousands of clacks all about, all set at different times.

He reaches the gates, and asks St.Peter, what's with all the clocks. He replies, "They're lie clocks, everytime someone lies, the hands move a little, every human had one."

The man points at one and asks, "Who's is that?" St.Peter replies, "Mother Teresa's, it still at twelve o'clock, meaning she never lied in her whole life."

"Who clock is that?" "Abraham Lincoln's, it's at 12:02, he only lied twice in his entire life."

The man wonders, "Where's George W. Bushes clock?" St.Peter replies, "In Jesus' office, he using it as a ceiling fan."


An old man was sitting on a bench at the local shopping center.

A young man walked up and sat down next to him. He had spiked hair in different colors; green, red, orange, blue, and yellow.

The old man just stared at him. The young man turned to him and said sarcastically, "What's the matter old timer, never done anything wild in your life?"

Without batting an eye, the old man replied, "Got drunk once and fucked a parrot. I was just wondering if you were my son."


A blonde wanted to go ice fishing. She'd seen many books on the subject, and finally, after getting all the necessary "tools" together, she made for the nearest frozen lake. After positioning her comfy footstool, she started to make a circular cut in the ice.

Suddenly---from the sky---a voice boomed,


Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a Thermos of cappuccino, and began to cut yet another hole. Again, from the heavens, the voice bellowed,


The Blonde, now quite worried, moved way down to the opposite end of the ice, set up her stool, and tried again to cut her hole.

The voice came once more.


She stopped, looked skyward, and said, "Is that you, God?" The voice replied,



Yeah, it's ugly.

I think I'm going to try this out. BRB

Yikes! Heman bitch.


I pitty the fool that steals my crayon!

A little "over the line", wouldn't you say?

Why would you even wear this?

Priceless E-fans.

That mouse wireless?

Look at the couple fucking in the window.. *ruff ruff* [/melody]

I don't get it.

What the fuck is he doing?

- FFL -

- Ass N Titties.
- That's just nasty.
- The bible in Legos.
- This is just crazy.
- Pretty fun doomed game.
- Oh wow.. What a dumbass.
- Freaky game for you freaks.
- All it needs is a little windex.
- This little game is addicting.
- Ha, they're coming to get us!
- Let's go play the AIDS game.
- Fist yourself with a fake arm.
- Cam girls and other great stuff.
- It's hard hitting that little fucker.
- Even Al Gore gets speeding tickets.
- Damn I missed it. Yay for the Internet.
- Tons of those vintage shopped pictures.
- Angelina Jolie and Antonio.. having SEX!
- Oh snap! I hope we get one of these here.
- Heavy has tons of shit for you to check out.
- They should fine the idiot that took the money.
- Awww that dog has only two legs. Oh it walks like us.
- I think this guy likes dead animals. (Click the dots dumbass)
- Just what I need, something to edit out those fucking cuss words.
- A few games for ya, Check out the description for "Addiction Solitaire".

» Back with something even gayer! posted on 09/02/04 by Opie

First, I know some sections don't work right now.

Second, I'm not completely happy with this layout, but it will do until I get something else together. (Thanks to Myke for the help) Remember that a dumb layout doesn't make a site, it's the content. This one is a little easier to navigate and loads faster for you dial-up guys.

Third, There are some new sections up now, (check the funnies) More is coming this weekend. I just had to get everything switched over on this new server.

So anyway, just enjoy the post below and I'll have some free to finish up on this crap during weekend...

Oh yeah..the forums are open. Wont be for long though.

The background music fits it too.

The long awaited Q and A returns

Q: What do you call a Mexican with a rubber toe?
A: Roberto.

Q: What’s black and white and is rolling off the end of a pier.
A: A black guy and seagull fighting over a chicken wing.

Q: What'd the white guy say to the black guy?
A: Nigger.

Q: What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection?
A: Quarter pounder with cheese.

Q: Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new piano?
A: Neither has he.

Q: Why did Hitler stop the Holocaust?
A: Because his gas bill was too high.

Q: What happens to giraffes when it rains?
A: They get wet

Q: What's the easiest way to get a black man down from a tree?
A: Cut the rope.

Q: When does a midget need to be slapped?
A: When he walks up to you and say your hair smells pretty.

Q: What's a jew's favorite Disney movie?
A: Pinocchio.

Q: What kind of file makes a 1 inch hole into a 5 inch hole ?
A: A petafile.

Q: How do you kill a retard?
A: Shoot it in the face.

Q: Why does Bugs Bunny always outsmart Daffy Duck?
A: Because Daffy Duck is black.

Q: How do you get tickets to the Tampon 100?
A: Pull some strings.

Q: Who would win in a fight between Michael Bolton and Kenny G?
A: We all would.

Q: Why do black people have nice cars, and nice jewelry but still live in shitty houses?
A: They haven't figured out how to steal houses yet.

Q: What is the Cuban national anthem?
A: Why "Row, Row, Row Your Boat" of course!

Q: What did Abraham Lincoln say when he woke up with a hangover?
A: I freed the what?

Q: What is lazy and owns a lawnmower?
A: A Mexican with a job.

Q: What is funnier than a dead baby?
A: A dead baby wearing a clown-dress.

Q: What did the blonde think when she saw a picture of herself?
A: She looks familiar.

That isn't right.

Pussy O's?

Great training method.

Don't be hatin'.

If you've seen this lady call..


Most checkers are.

That is just crazy.

Looks like fun.

Call her up.

Just canceled mine.

"Our last $20, 4000 sticky notes, and 2 1/2 hours + = OWNED!!"

Look real close at this one. (Not suppose to be there)
This is where it came from, 3rd pic)

Everyone point and laugh.

That's very uninteresting.

I swear it's yours sweetie.

Don't forget to check out my sponsors. Cam girls are at this one.

- FFL -

- 28 hour day?
- Poor cats. haha
- Damn she's hot.
- Great joke page.
- Helicopter fuck.
- Super Greg is cool.
- Um Exorcist chick?
- Strip Poker anyone?
- Neat, but unless toy.
- I hope this is a joke site.
- Uh oh.. Cruelty to birds.
- You guys like wrestlin'?
- A machine to jack you off.
- Kind of gay if you ask me.
- I call bullshit on this story.
- That image name says it all.
- Another stupid goddamn fetish.
- Great thing to do before you quit.
- Yahoo knows a lot about boobies.
- This is a great game for stoners.
- Some shit about the Pentagon..
- Run across to turtles like an idiot.
- Hey, here's a list of Snapple Facts.
- They actually let retards graduate?
- Oh just 85 pages of boobs and asses.
- Hey Lifetime channel is looking for you.
- Girlfriend wont have anal sex with you?
- Singing Bird... Asianized or something.
- Whatever you do.. Don't look at this shit.
- That dude needs to change his huggies.
- There bes some graphic stuff on this page.
- Damn, check out that clit. (Looks like a penis)
- Ghost aren't real. (Unless you count those KKK idiots)
- Whoa! Very entense party! Hardcore party animals.. Sike.
- Audio that busted that Congressman on being "the gay".
- Haha wrong place dude. (You racist guys will love this one)


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